Well, as you know, my life took a turn for the crazy. I just wanted to sum it all up here and get on with the next chapter of my wild and wonderful life. In January, my husband was rushed to the hospital with a heart issue that ended well with a surgery and he is now back to work and doing pretty good. I honestly forgot that he even had an issue or was ever in the hospital.... because on February 27th we rushed my mom to the hospital with what turned out to be a horrific ordeal.
My mom had a perforated colon. It was misdiagnosed by the ER at Kaiser and was sent home. She also had some chronic constipation issues ( sorry, i know this is an art blog... but this post is really for me. I need to get this all out before I can move along ) ... so in their defense, i think they thought that's what this was. But I do fault them for not going the extra mile and doing a CT. A CT would have saved alot of horrible events. So that was 3 days before. By the time I got to her, she was slumped over and talking jibberish. My dad was not know what to do and pretty much in denial. Who could blame him. So, I called an ambulance. In hindsight... i should have called them much sooner. But instead, i waited until I saw her. She was rushed to the hospital ( not Kaiser, because rush hour traffic would not have got her there fast enough. By about 1am... they realized that she had a perforated colon and it had been that way for a few days and went to sepsis in the brain. I have learned alot about both in the months following.
Long story short... it's been a long ride back to health. I have witnessed things about our health care system that I never want to go through again. What a fiasco. And don't even get me started about caregivers after the fact! It's been a real nightmare. What does matter is that I put my life on hold - thanks to a caring family and a more than generous set of bosses and spent a few months in Los Angeles. It seemed like a lifetime. But my mom has made a miraculous recovery and is doing pretty great right now, if i do say so myself. She has been through hell and back and I guess the best thing I can say about that, is that she doesn't really remember any of it. That's the sepsis part. It's sad in a way and fantastic in another. It was horrible. I wish my dad and I didn't remember as much. But we do. I hired and fired 10 care givers in a week. Finally had my wonderful cousin come in and help out so that I could come back to my life for a few days. She was nothing short of being a life saver.
My parents are now living in Northern California after spending their entire lives in Southern California. They are in assisted living now and not totally happy yet, but I am. My mom went from 108 when she moved in to 114 a few short weeks later. It's the best thing. Getting to this point is something I will never forget. It has definately changed me and my family. But she is with us and that's all that really matters. The weird thing is... I used to be so focused on my art. Focused on getting somewhere with what I am doing. I am not focused at all anymore. I used to draw daily, sometimes more than daily. I pushmyself. Now, i barely pick up a pen and when I do... it feels forced. I feel like rushing to meet deadlines and making plans for writing articles, teaching classes and dreaming of creating new products just isn't as important as what's right in front of me- I think that may change. But for now, I am going to just go with it. Spend time with my folks and spend the summer canoeing. We shall see what happens. I think John Lennon said it best... Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. True that , John. No more plans for me for now... just life.
Nicely written, Lindsay. A reminder to us all to simply pay attention to the ones we love and the life that is right in front of our noses.
ReplyDeletePerfectly said and so very true about life happening when you are busy making other plans .. Live each day to the fullest doing what makes your heart happy -- And know that your friends are with you every step of the way !! Love you, Lindsay ...
ReplyDeleteI so feel your pain Lindsay. I too went through the same ordeal with my MOM. You told the story so perfectly that I cannot even add anything. Misdiagnosed, the suffering, the inept caregivers. I kept thinking (after the ordeal) that if I could afford a more expensive nursing home that she would be better taken care of. WRONG. It just doesnt matter. Out of 10 caregivers (in any field) there might be one who really cares and loves the job. I am so glad your mom made it through and is now enjoying life again. Your family is very very lucky.
ReplyDeleteAs for the creativity. You and I went through a terrible, "sucking the life out of you" ordeal and it is hard to switch back to our old "normal" right away". I think just like our mom's healing, we need to too. Best wishes, Sue
We get it as my mom and Johns parents have both passed. Living in the moment is a very good thing, that's life. Good for you Linz, you probably learned how strong you could be too. We supposedly aren't given more than we can handle, but I don't know. You're a good wife, mom, and daughter, be proud and enjoy 💖
ReplyDeleteWe get it as my mom and Johns parents have both passed. Living in the moment is a very good thing, that's life. Good for you Linz, you probably learned how strong you could be too. We supposedly aren't given more than we can handle, but I don't know. You're a good wife, mom, and daughter, be proud and enjoy 💖
ReplyDeleteSometimes life has a way of making you understand what is important. XOXO
ReplyDeleteSo glad your mom is doing better. Sorry to hear about the issues. I have heard similar horror stories.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much! I am so glad your mom is doing so much better. You have an amazing family. Thanks for being vulnerable and real. You make it okay for us all to share our truths. XOXOXO
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you could come to your parents aid. She may not be alive today if it weren't for your intervention. Sounds like you need to rest your mind, body and spirit after the intense and long term upheaval you've experienced. The desire to create will come in due course and when you're ready..... in the meantime, just let go. See, free advice and I don't charge $100 per hour either. :)
ReplyDeleteLindsay, so glad you sat down and wrote this out. I know that need ... to feel like you have finally arrived, possibly, maybe, at a point where you can write about the events that swept you up for so long. I read your posts along the way and felt you dog-paddling like mad to keep abreast. I felt your pain and your shock and your dismay, as each day seemed to ask more of you than the day before. I am glad you can now feel, okay ... we got this. It's gonna be okay. And what you're feeling about your business motivation is absolutely understandable. You've been at the door of loss, and from that perspective, nothing else matters. Those other things may float back, in their time, at a different pace maybe ... because now you have seen "the edge". Yup. Everything changes...
ReplyDeleteWhat an ordeal for all of you. I know first-hand of the vigilance required by the one/ones who attend during illness. We find our fierceness and, as you've discovered, we find what matters most and it is rarely what we once thought. I am so glad that your dear mom is doing better and that she and your dad are now close by. Sending love and mad support for whatever speaks to you most loudly. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSO Happy your Mom is home now and doing good!! ..as a caregiver to my 91 y.o. Mom I know what you have been through, you are doing the right thing being there for her now...I have to catch little bits of my life in between the helping with hers we just have to make it work that way. I sure hope your mom never has to go through that again!! The health care system is just that a system and its a failing system, we have to constantly be on our toes and watch closely those who we entrust our health care to.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the art, it will happen again in it's own time. Right now you just need to decompress. Exhale. You've done a great job taking care of your parents, now it's time to take care of you. xo
ReplyDeleteI never told you this while you were going through all of this, but this is exactly how I lost my mom Lindsay, a year ago this past Tuesday. That's why I was constantly praying for you and your Mom, because I knew how serious it was and what the outcome could be, and I thank God that your situation turned out better than mine. I miss my Mom every single day and I would give up anything to have more time with her, so if you don't feel like creating now and want to spend time with your parents while you have them, I say go for it. Life is short, we none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad your folks are doing better and nearby now, Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Maureen
Life's a tough business when our parents are ageing, and in ill health.Very emotionally draining.Hope you all can have a little peace for a while to get over these past traumatic months.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your mom is okay. I am glad that your parents will be geographically closer to you. Dealing with such issues long distance creates such upheaval. I hope that your mom continues to do well and that both your parents are happy in their new living situation.
ReplyDeleteLindsay Dear you are such a loving and caring daughter and your parents are adorable. Thank God for miracles of getting your mom well, you having excellent family, friends and bosses, and for both your parents to be brave enough to move to NorCal to be closer to you. Art will wait and life does not. Enjoy your time with family, friends, and nature while you canoe and let calm and peace back into your heart and soul. Thankful too that your husband is doing well after having gone through so much trauma the past few years. Blessings and Love and Hugs My Friend...XO
ReplyDeleteHappy of the recovery :) They look happy even if the are not at their house - but Home is where both of them are :)
ReplyDeleteLindsay I went through brain cancer with my husband and I identify with what you wrote in many ways. God bless you! :)
ReplyDeleteSo, So sorry. I am just now finding you on the internet, so just now reading this. I have been in your shoes and then some since I am 73 years old. Do you remember all the wonderful things about when you were a child and your mother was making chocolate cake, or apricot fried pies? My friends and I talk about these things often and for us, anyway, they are a joy. In the mid- fifties my Mom would starch my petticoats, they were made of net, and lay them out in the back yard on the grass to dry and boy were they stiff and lovely when I wore them. Ninety-nine feet of net. We were new to Houston in 1949 and so on Sunday afternoon after Church and lunch we took "Sunday Rides" to become acquainted with our new city. In first grade the school had to call Mom because I was on top of the slide and would not/could not come down. I was to scared. Then there was the paste incident when they called her to get me to stop eating paste. Makes me laugh now. Hope I have made you smile. Margaret or Maggie
ReplyDelete