Monday, May 15, 2017

i am enough....

   Some days, just driving home for work is a chore. I barely have the energy to get in the door and drop. But the life of an artist means that when you get home from a full day of work... your work day is just beginning. My creativity and inspiration is at an all time low. Not sure if i am tired, under slept, annoyed or what.... but for the past month i just can barely do anything when i get home. I used to be able to see my future playing out in front of me just like i could grab it. So close. But it seems lately to be slipping away from me. And I hate that. 
   So i am coming back to blogging. I haven't done it for so long and I am sorry. I will also apologize now for the personal nature of this post. And they may lean that way for a bit. It's faster to type than write all this down in my journal and it so helps to work through this all when i let the words spill out somewhere.

   A long time ago i knew what i really wanted and these days all i want are days.  No need to worry about me. I'm fine. I am just in search of me these days.  This is me.... a girl in a white t shirt, jeans, keen shoes and wearing my heart on my sleeve. That's me. And i have lost that in the 9 to 5... i think. So, how do I get that back and still do what needs to be done. That's what i'm in search of. Usually through my art I find that feeling again but lately that just feels like something i need to do. Maybe an art quilt is needed. Or some embroidery. Or both. Not sure.... when i figure it out, i will let you know. Again... sorry for this emotional post. But i'm in search of something that the spilling of words will help me find. I hope. Until then... i;ll just keep drawing even if i feel like everything is just not up to par. See you in my doodles.....

7 comments:

Dara Lynn said...

This past year has been a tough one for you for sure! I understand because I too have a husband with a serious illness, lost my grandmother and life and home still has its demands. Please give yourself permission to take care of you...not us...there is only one you and if you need help....please reach out for it. It's okay to take time to get a check up and talk with your physician, friend, or clergy to reboot. I never realized how much of a toll the stress of husband illness (and my heart issue on Christmas Day ) with the terminal illness of grandma took it's toll on my well being. We are strong people and it's okay to say one day at a time

Laurie Mendenhall Art said...

I completely understand how you feel. I get home from my 9 to 5 and I fee like I want to lay down but I have more creating to do and commissions. The passion waxes and wanes. I saw this post and thought, yes! I need to write to get through this struggle! You can get through it, too!

Unknown said...

Dear Lynn
We are all with you, and will keep you in our prayers. We will walk this road with you. You are so. Loved by all
Pat

SENCO Cat Herder said...

Sorry to hear you are not finding things easy but good that you are finding a way to let those feelings out here. I just wanted to say how much your doodles lift and fill me up - they are such things of beauty and I didn't realise your creations are all done after a 9-5 as they all seem filled with such love and time. I don't know whether this would help you at all but a blogging Kindness Challenge is going on at the moment and the first week has been about self-love which maybe you need a bit of - please feel free to go over to Niki's site and check it out - https://therichnessofasimplelife.wordpress.com/posts/kindness-challenge-2/2017-kindness-challenge/
Special Teaching at Pempi’s Palace

Createology said...

Sweet Lindsay, Miss Creator of Cuteness, Hello!!! I am so happy to see you blogging once again. For me there is a connection that blogging offers like no other "instant gratification" media offers. My favorite words that have gotten me through so much in my life..."This too shall pass!". And another favorite, "It takes as long as it takes!" You are blessed with amazing artistic talents and I am so thankful you share those talents with us. Love and Hugs Sweet Friend...<3

Dogwood said...

HI dear Linzi~I have been there. Oug...not fun. Sometimes our path in life is rocky. But keep going through "it" as there is much goodness once you plow through the challenges of now. You are in the rough part of the river and soon "it" will be as smooth sailing. Hugs, Dogwood ♥️

Anonymous said...

I totally get this! It's not a fun time, and one that is a bit hard to get out of. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone!

Carrie

ps - I friended you on FB - hope that is okay